KISS Me, I'm Aging

Last night my husband and I took our daughters, 6 & 9, to see (the aging band) KISS at Jiffy Lube Live (what kind of name is "Jiffy Lube Live" for a venue?  DC area residents remember the Capital Centre - we called it the "Cap Centre".  What am I supposed to call this new place - "The Lube"?  Inappropriate!)

It was a special night for us.  In 1977 my husband saw his first concert and it was KISS.  Last night was our daughters' first concert as well.  It felt like a circle being completed.  It was a very heartwarming and sweet experience - how could we not be moved by our girls faces as Gene Simmons spit fire and spewed blood?

As wonderful and family-oriented as the evening was, I was disturbed to notice that I have entered a new phase in my life. It's "The only people who flirt with you are old or drunk" phase.  (My handsome husband seems to be stuck in the "Cute waitresses and concierges at your hotel" phase.  I don't begrudge him that.)

I first noticed that I had entered this new phase as I exited our row and had to walk by three older (and drunk - two treats in one!) gentlemen who did not stand to let me by.  So I had to decide whether to scootch by these men with my tush or my crotch in their faces.  I chose crotch and immediately regretted it because in this position I could see their faces as I passed - they grinned up at me.  Ew.  (I believe it is technically called "leering" as opposed to "flirting" when you become their age.)  When I returned from the concession stand I slid down the aisle with my rear end towards them, but I didn't feel any better about it.  It was truly a lose-lose situation, for me anyway.

On a positive note, if Gene or Paul got drunk I'm positive I could get backstage.

Quit jerking my chain

I couldn't sleep last night.  Around 1030p I took a sleep aid which I'm pretty sure contained caffeine, and that made for a long night indeed.  As I lay in bed, I reflected on my summer vacations, one of which was to Ocean City MD - home of the Jerky Outlet.  Or at least it was until recently.  The Jerky Outlet is gone.

The "outlet"....where we can buy last season's lime green snakeskin pumps or a pair of  Levi's with the left leg a bit longer than the right.- at a reduced price.  But strips of dried MEAT?  What kind of person buys slightly irregular beef?  There are two things I would never buy at an outlet:  food of any kind and medication.  "I don't know how I got pregnant, honey...I bought my pills from the Birth Control Outlet and have been taking them (slightly ir-)regularly!"

 Can't tell if I am knocked up or have food poisoning....maybe I'm just tired.

Blog Virgin = Blirgin?

I've never done this before (she said shyly)...

So I'm winging it here, folks. Since I have no idea how to start this, I'm going to go "stream of consciousness" on you for a bit.

I am your typical suburban hausfrau.  3 kids, 2 cats, 1 minivan, 1 husband.

I prefer to speak in movie lines and work them into conversations whenever possible.

I met my husband in the Washington Post Classifieds 11 yrs ago.  My best friend said “He sounds weird.”  I said “Yeah, but I’m weird.”  She said “But you’re not weird like that”.  Happily ever after……

I am deathly afraid of sharks.

I am not a superstitious person, but whenever I pass the Mormon Temple on 495 I have to say "Get back, JoJo" or I feel the rest of day will go badly.

I leave the tops off of things....sometimes on purpose.

I have my late dog's ashes on the top shelf in my closet.  I miss her.

I have all the baby teeth that my kids have lost so far (except for the one my son swallowed)

I love, LOVE 80s hair bands.

I like formulaic cop shows.  It makes me feel comfortable to know who did it and that the bad guy will be caught within the hour.

I enjoy ironing.  It's relaxing.  I detest and am not good at all other housework

I sometimes turn the bezel on my husband's watch one or two clicks because I know it bothers him if it's not straight up at 12

I have always wanted to write a book, have had several good ideas but am SO uninterested in writing it all down.

I went blonde for one summer, just to see what the big deal was.  Meh.

I was propositioned by Robert Scorpio in a bar in Georgetown circa 1987.  He was loaded and tried to get me to "take a walk" with him.  I declined.  He left and passed out on the sidewalk in front of the bar.

I can't stand being barefoot.  Ew ew EW!

I do not like the phrase “fresh vegetables”.  Don’t know why, but it creeps me out.

I like cheesy 80s movies…Better Off Dead, Spaceballs, One Crazy Summer, Remo Williams, Big Trouble In Little China, etc

I take pictures of my kids when they sleep.  My son calls me a stalker.

When my husband and I were first dating he asked me to get his mail while he was away on a business trip - I went through his stuff.  I sat on the floor of his basement for an hour going through boxes of pictures and misc things.  I told him about it afterward....I'm a snoop, not a liar.

I will try just about any skin care product that comes on the market.  I am the woman who the marketing guys target.  If they call it a “serum” I am twice as likely to buy it.

I was born to be the front man in a rock group (think David Lee Roth), however I was cursed with a bad singing voice (think Yoko Ono).  My wonderful husband  hooks up a mic for me in his music room and will play Journey, VanHalen,  Nazareth on the guitar for hours while I indulge my alter ego.  (I apologize to all the dogs in the neighborhood)

Sometimes I buy new clothes for my kids because I get tired of looking at the old ones.

I was robbed in Spain and spent two days and nights alone in a hotel, eating Burger King for breakfast/lunch/dinner until the American Embassy opened on Monday morning and I could get a new passport.

Each of my children is my favorite, depending on the time of day.

I sometimes engage people in conversation just because I can tell they’re trying to blow me off.

I hope you will check out the Tip Of My Tongue again. (That sounds naughtier than I intended)